Why does BDSM a cause a pastor to run?

The other day several of my (female) friends were at my house before leaving for dinner at a little bit special restaurant when, as always happens in a group setting, the conversation turned into a gripe about various people – and what to do about them.  Now, being of the helpful, gentler and more innocent persuasion myself, I obviously felt that it was my duty to suggest that they should offer counselling and rise above any other course of action.  So, in all innocence, I suggested that a Bible Discussion and Study Meeting would allow the miscreants to see the error of their ways.

Unfortunately for me, I work in an industry where the use of acronyms is almost mandatory and I have become accustomed to speaking in capital letters, so I naturally just said “there is always BDSM”.  Now one of my friends immediately said “yeah, good idea” whilst the others just looked puzzled and obviously didn’t know what I was saying.  Aware that this caused confusion and realizing that my friend may have thought I was suggesting a course in ‘Bio-Diversity Systems Management’, I clarified that my meaning was understood.  “You know what I mean?” I asked, only to get a smile and continued acknowledgements of “yes”.  The rest of my friends just looked on, confused……

Well I was still not convinced that my friend really knew what I meant and I am sure that they are not into industrial archaeology.  So I naturally assumed that they wouldn’t think that I was suggesting that the miscreant should be sent to the “Big Diamond Slope Mine” in Pennsylvania as this has closed in the 1950s.  Perhaps they may have thought of the “Big Diamond Strip Mine” but that would be really strange as I was absolutely positive that a lignite mine in Australia would not have sprung to mind.  I began to wonder if there was another meaning, but no, I am sure that it is that Britain’s dentists have an association and not a society, so there is no such thing as “British Dentists Society Member.”  Bible Discussion and Study Meeting it is then.

Or is it?   The conversation continued over the meal at the restaurant and several of my companions reached for their phones which apparently through some kind of electronic magic can speak to the inter-webs, whatever they are.  A lot of discussion, knowing smiles and laughter ensued, especially at my friend who appeared to be the only other person who understood what the abbreviation BDSM is – well, apart from me and attendees of the Bible Discussion and Study Meetings.  I do think however that the server knew as well, for he became very attentive to the table all night and maybe he recognised fellow Biblical scholars…..  It was particularly pleasing to note that several other diners also took a keen interest in the conversation, as at one point it went very quiet and it was obvious that some of the men were listening.  I made a mental note to mention this at my next BDSM meeting, together with asking why they pronounce ‘milk’ as ‘milf’  (only one poor soul has a severe impediment, because he said ‘gilf’)

I was still thinking about this on Sunday morning, really impressed that my friend knew what I was talking about but had a nagging doubt that perhaps I was missing something. But then I became really suspicious.  When I told the visiting pastor that I thought I found a lot of people interested in BDSM and asked would he be interested in forming a BDSM group, he shouted “you’re a freaking reporter” and ran from the church.  Undaunted and really keen to encourage the spirituality of others, I thought that I would pass the referral on to another church more local to the restaurant.  But that was really weird: as soon as I said BDSM to the priest, he pressed a big red button and alarms starting sounding, accompanied by a shrill electronic voice repeating “Warning: Potential Lawyer!  Cover-up protocol 10 is in effect” and suddenly the priest had to take a call from the – I think he said Vatican.

The thing is, I am now really confused.  I mentioned this to my partner who promptly said “no, I am not going to look that up on the inter-webs because aunty violet would block it and a lot of people will try and contact me”  Mmmmh.  Are there really so many people interested in Bible Discussion and Study Meetings or am I missing something?   My instinct is to talk to my friend again, but I am afraid I may get tied up and whipped for asking……………

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About cryptothinker
Nowt

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