Nothing at all

It was all quiet in the garden when I sat down to write this and a blank screen stared back of me, taunting me to think of what I was going to comment on today.  It was one of those days where my thought processes refuses to work (yes, like normal) and my usual trawl through the newspapers hadn’t once made me spit out my coffee shouting “they did WHAT!!!!!!?”  So, in search of inspiration, I phoned my partner’s brother-in-law’s grandmother’s third cousin’s wife’s daughter (you know, the one who was on a plane going to the same airport that the Queen once visited) and asked her if there was any significant news I may have missed.

“The Terminator has a secret son,” she quickly replied.  I thought about it for a couple of seconds.  No.  I was pretty sure that the Terminator franchise had ended with ‘Salvation’ and Fox had ended the Sarah Conner Chronicles because FOX always kills good si-fi shows despite critical acclaim and a vociferous campaigns to keep them on the air. (Remember Firefly and why does the network hate Joss Whedon?) “No – really,” she replied.   Huh?  I couldn’t see any interest in the fact that an Austrian actor who was married to one of the Kennedy clan had had a secret love-child with one of his house- keepers fourteen years ago and anyway, what difference does it make to anyone – It’s not like he is the Governor of California or anything.

“The UK newspapers are full of some ex-bank chief’s affair.” – Again, I thought about this.  So bankers have affairs – but the current acceptable statistic is roughly half of all men and women, so there is no point in devoting acres of newsprint to this one particular case – and this thing about banker’s having affairs – shock.  Quelle Horreur.  Bankers are just human after all and not rich, out-of-touch bloodsuckers living on multi-million dollar government handouts.  No, no news there then.

“There’s a super-injunction thingy” Ah.  This sounds promising.  Until you read it a bit more.  Apparently in the UK you can get a court to ban the publication of gossip of your affair with someone.  Ok. So if you have enough money and you are a famous footballer or TV personality, you can get a Judge to try and prevent rumours of the fact that you are having it away with someone else.   Nope. That will not work.  My mother and her friends would have know in an instant that Mrs Carter had a liking  for the butcher’s sausage and anyway, apparently there is that bird noise thing that tells the world that you are currently in Wal-Mart and you just saw John Travolta buying things there. (That’s true: The Enquirer actually ran a story that John Travolta shops at Wal-Mart, in the same way as a UK paper reported that Kate Middleton paid a few dollars for liver in a butchers.  Wow.  If you are famous you must stop shopping and get your housekeeper to do it and allow them to sell your shopping list to reporters.) Nah.  Again, nothing of interest.

“It’s the end of the world on Saturday”  Now that’s interesting.  Especially if you are reading this anytime after.  Yes, well apparently some engineer worked out that the end of the world is the 21st May.  Which is really bad news for the people of Samoa, who are moving the West of the International Date Line and therefore instead of being the last place to see the 21st, they are now one of the first.  And it also short changes Los Angeles, where the alleged time would be at 23:00 on Friday.  Oh. Does that mean if my credit card is due on Monday, I don’t have to pay it and instead go out and buy that Steak and lobster meal in at Milliways?  Assuming of course I can get there and its not full of young conservatives (Keep up and look it up!)  Mind you, a lot of people may actually be grateful for the end of the world and perhaps for a lot of others it has already happened.

 But no, I am going to discount the Rapture too as Roland Emmerich has not made some awful movie about it (no, he just made 2012) and as far as I know Bruce Willis is not currently in orbit with a crack team of drillers.   We all know that for it to be the end of the world, Morgan Freeman has to be the President and some incredibly good looking female scientist with an estranged husband will save us with the aid of a laptop that never needs recharging.

Realizing that my partner’s brother-in-law’s grandmother’s third cousin’s wife’s daughter would be of no use as inspiration, I turned to other sources.  No, I lied.  Just one source, the Daily Mail from the UK.  Here, I learnt that British Royalty drank human blood three hundred years ago (only bankers do it today) and a German insurance company rewarded 100 of its top salesman with the services of ladies of professional virtue. Perhaps its not just bankers then.   I was also informed that I will have 2455 spats with my partner in a year and that the US Center for Disease Control has just issued a guidance sheet for how to prepare for the world being taken over by zombies.  No, try as I may, I just cannot find anything to say about these items. 

So that is it then.  If the end of the world arrives tonight, this is the last post, literally.   If not, then normal service will be resumed shortly when I overcome writers block and my friend gets back from her Bible Discussion Study Meeting group, but with pictures this time.  Or at least on Wednesday when McDonalds will be blamed for preventing the end of the world and someone in California will sue them because they wasted all that money on their burgers for the Rapture Party.  There, did it.  A total of 1028 words about nothing at all.  If I keep this up I will be well qualified to start a career in journalism.



About cryptothinker

One Response to Nothing at all

  1. No States No Borders says:

    Chronicles was turning into a co-ed version of The A-Team. Wise of them to kill it but very stupid of them to let the USMC influence production in the first place.
    I suspect that Serenity, had it run for longer, would have become another Star Trek full of adverts for the navy. Sometimes no news is good news.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: