W-BDSM reporters find empty building

It was a slow Tuesday in the News Room.  No-one had been shot, stabbed or maimed, all the politicians had run out of mistresses and thanks to Planned Parenthood, there were no more little Terminators running around.   As usual, the weather proved as unpredictable as ever and refused to provide a flood, tornado or record-breaking extremes, remaining really pleasant.    Even the traffic was smooth, because for some reason no-one had caused a three car pile-up whilst shaving, drinking Starbucks and applying mascara at the same time.  That story about the parrot who sits on the shoulder of the skate-boarding, cute dog with the droopy ears would have to wait because the dog was in the ‘Rehab’, which everyone knew was really the vet’s office and he was being ‘fixed’ following that incident with the Mayor’s pedigree poodle.  The senior producer of the 60 minute long  ‘Evening News at 10’ was getting desperate as there was only three hours until broadcast when the spotty faced intern ran into the office shouting “just seen this on Facebook …………..”

Three hours, 2 minutes and 30 seconds later, after live pictures from the ‘W-BDSM Action News in HD, colour and 7.1 stereo where available’ helicopter flying overhead, the award winning Jane ‘Auto-cutie’ Carter-Butcher seamlessly handed over to reporter Chuck Conners stood outside the very quiet, dark and obviously closed little shop owned by Patel Singh in a nearby resort.  Chuck Conners looked at the camera and in a solemn voice said “The W-BDSM Action News in HD, colour and 7.1 stereo where available Team is here tonight to bring you an exclusive report.  At 4:30 this evening, tragedy and potentially fatal injuries were prevented when Mr Patel Singh selflessly applied a band-aid to Nancy Skipsey who had cut her finger on a kitchen knife whilst cooking breakfast at her home 50 miles away.  Mrs Skipsey, who stopped at this store on her way to ………. “    Back in the newsroom, the Senior Producer turned to the intern and said “that was close.  I was running out of excuses to get Chuck and the guys from Outside Broadcast van a night out in that 5 star hotel and casino just down the road from Patel’s shop”

Now I don’t know if this has actually happened, but those of you who have watched television news shows recently could imagine that this just possibly true.  For almost every report, the studio based anchor will go live to some poor reporter stuck out in the field, irrespective of the fact that the news they are reporting on happened twelve hours ago and there is absolutely nothing to see.  How many times have you seen reporters outside the registered office of some multinational company in London or New York on the weekend when the story is about some environmental issue 3000 miles away on another continent?  One would swear that the reporters or unions have a contract that states a minimum of travel and overnight stays in top hotels will be provided as part of the salary.   Unless twitter, Facebook or MSNBC are your sole news providers you will recognise this is becoming more and more apparent.

The development of light-weight cameras and communications technologies may have enabled Chuck to stand outside Mr Singh’s store for the 10:00 news, but is it really necessary?  And why would I want to look at photographs of 1 St James Square in London when I could be looking at a burning oilfield in the Gulf of Mexico and listen to the news anchor tell me the same thing.  If it comes to that, why can’t broadcasters use the footage obtained by a brave and often unknown journalist and distributed by the various news agencies instead of flying some celebrity reporter halfway around the world to report from some hotel in the ‘Green Zone’?  Admittedly, governments in particular have become more aware of the power of the media, especially in war, so they corral reporters in some ‘safe’ location.  If you acknowledge that, there is no point having Jane Carter-Butcher finish her nails, stand on a balcony and report as news the same press release as the 20 other channels are doing for their own 6:00 news show, reporting a war happening  miles away.

There is another point as well.  If you are dispatching a news-team to cover a natural disaster, instead of getting in the way, consuming what could be scarce local resources and fuel, empty the van of its three tons of equipment, fill it with relief supplies and help the aid effort.  Or you could take a leaf out of Greenpeace’s book:  when they carry out a protest, they film it themselves and release the footage.  You don’t hear of news channels saying that in order to limit their carbon footprint, they are not sending a camera crew, reporter and associated equipment to Cancun or Venice to cover the latest Climate Change Conference either

No.  ‘W-BDSM Action News in HD, colour and 7.1 stereo where available’ is proud that it has the latest in Satellite uplinks and a helicopter.  They also need to prove that they cover the community as part of their licence.  So whilst they may want to be seen to be ‘out there’ and show off their van with the ‘W-BDSM Action News in HD, colour and 7.1 stereo where available’ logo to the locals, please can we do it with a degree of thought.  Because I am positive that one day, whilst Chuck reporting from outside an empty house that was once owned by some notorious criminal in case the Station’s parent company is going to take their toys back, the little banner going across the screen will be saying “Extra-terrestrials have landed on the White House Lawn”.  But we will not have coverage of that because Chuck and his colleagues have been sent elsewhere so instead we have yet more scenes of empty buildings or deserted parking lots hours after the action.

And in case you wondering, ‘W-BDSM Action News in HD, colour and 7.1 stereo where available’ anchor Jane Carter-Butcher is actually award winning.  She took the prize for best meat dish at a local carnival and thanked her mother, who in Jane’s words “really knew how to skin the butchers sausage.”

Advertisements

About cryptothinker
Nowt

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: